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Your Welcome Doormat is Welcoming in the Wrong Kind of Company

TUESDAY, JUNE 1, 2021

Doormats are pretty much the greatest invention since Karl Benz’s internal combustion engine in the late 19th century (a bold yet true-ish statement). They add style and class to any house, do stuff with dirt, provide an obvious hiding place for keys, and show the neighbors you’re not as poor as they think you are. But there’s a serious problem with your doormats (as suggested by the title of this article). They are dirty.

You may be thinking, “No duh. That’s the whole purpose of doormats, right?” Steal the dirt and mud from your shoes (or naked feet, I don’t judge) and leave the flooring on the inside of your home clean and happy (as happy as floors can be). 

Sure, doormats can help keep your home clean for a while. Until they don’t. Let me explain.

When a person likes another person, they start to date. After about a year of overcoming commitment issues and working through unnecessary family drama caused by nobody of importance, they eventually buy a home and have around 1.93 kids (according to the 2019 US average). When a person buys a home, they buy a car. When they buy a car, they buy a dog. And when they buy a dog, they buy a paw print doormat that everybody else in their suburban neighborhood owns.

After about a month of wiping shoes, boots, and paws all over that basic paw print doormat, the doormat starts to become saturated with dirt, mud, and other nasty contaminants your feet walk on every day, forming a disgusting top layer. Instead of trapping in dirt, your doormat begins to spread it, leaving a nasty trail in your home that even Hansel and Gretel couldn’t get lost on. Dirt certainly does not make for good company.

So what should you do?

Clean your doormat. It’s that simple. Just follow these six simple steps.

  1. Shake your doormat off onto your lawn or on someone for whom you have a distaste for.
  2. Vacuum your doormat.
  3. Rinse off your mat with water and scrub with soap if your mat’s material is durable and most likely name-brand.
  4. Dry out your mat.
  5. Clean the area surrounding where your mat will be replaced.
  6. Put the mat back.

And that’s it! I hope this blog post changed your life for the better. I know it changed mine.


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